Thicc Buttowski and the Legend of the Litrax
by OverlordMiles
Summary: Thicc Buttowski lives in a run-down suburban Chicago, supported by his brother Brad's YT channel. One day, Thicc Buttowski is summoned by a legendary creature known as the 'Litrax', who claims President Milfred Meanswell isn't who he claims to be. Thicc Buttowski must summon a power from deep within himself to save the country. INCLUDES A FUCKTON OF MEMES AND LAZYTOWN REFERENCES.


Our story starts in the bustling town of Chicago, Illinois around approximately 2420. Chicago is a very bustling city, filled to the brim with modern technology. However, the city has some disadvantages. A majority of the people are poor, living in RV parks or in claustiphobically small apartment complexes, while the bourgeoisie dine on steak and wine dinners in mansions. The town is covered in a veil of smoke due to manufacturing.

This is where we meet our protagonist. Thicc Buttowski is one of the lower class in the city of Chicago. He lives with his parents and his older brother, Brad. His older brother is a water bottle flipper on Youtube, becoming the most subscribed to Youtuber due to his expertise in his field. Brad's ad revenue is enough for him to consistently go out and leave with his friends as they exchange vape tricks and skateboard over town and bring them home food every night. Work is extremely difficult to get, and the available jobs give little to no money, and certainly not enough to support a family in this dystopian future.

One day, there was a spark of hope for the majority of the population. Thicc Buttowski was in his room working on some notes for school when his parents started causing a commotion. He looked over to see that the favorite presidential candidate, Milfred Meanswell, had just won against Robbie Rotten on the nation's broadcasting service, DramaAlert. He gave a riveting speech, explaining how he was going to distribute items to the poor so more people could have a chance in the nation. They were saved!

Thicc Buttowski was kind of apathetic about the situation. He had always lived to be cynical, and he didn't trust that any politician would ever be trustworthy. But he could hope. The way that this Mr. Meanswell talked, it really seemed like he meant well.

But as the days went by, he felt himself getting a foreign sense of longing. He wasn't sure why until he looked out the window of their apartment, gazing at the tall steel walls built around them. What lies out there? He thought to himself. He fell asleep, dreaming of lush forests and grassy plains, like he had seen on the television. The very thought made him giddy. As he woke up, he realized that he wanted to, no, NEEDED, to go. This urge welling inside him was unquenchable any other way. He took his yakskin backpack along with the amenities he would need before sneaking out. He walked down the crumbling roads, dodging and weaving between beaten-down taxi cabs and barely-standing booths selling various products. Eventually, he reached the gate. The only problem was, the only way out of the gate was via car, and even then everybody knew you would just travel at massive speeds through tunnels to other major cities. Of course, it you had enough income to own a car.

But Thicc Buttowski didn't let that stop him. When no one was looking, he started scaling the wall. He went up swiftly, eventually hoisting himself up onto the top of it. He looked back at the city, looming below him, and then hesitantly moved his head towards the outer world. It was barren. Desolate. The nature he had expected to see no longer existed, instead replaced by a vast… Nothingness. And yet, he still desired to continue. So he climbed down the outside of the wall, trekking into the unknown.

Thicc Buttowski travelled for hours before stopping at, well, nothing. All the terrain was the same. He took out his lunch and quietly munched on it. He finished that, then started drinking a bottle of Sunny G, a non-ripoff brand of a previous orange juice drink. Then he heard rustling. He moved his eyes around, not noticing anything until he saw a bulge in the ground. Then, the ground popped, almost like a bubble. Out emerged something resembling a bipedal mammal except surrounded in fire. It spoke.

"I am the Litrax, I speak for the memes."

The unbearably thicc child gave him a quizzical look.

"You have had urges, no? That was me, bringing you here. You see, my boy, you have potential. You are someone willing to break the system, to be something great. And I will teach you."

"And why should I trust you?" Thicc questioned. "You could be government propaganda luring me into a trap."

"I will show you. Here, get in my van." The Litrax commanded, gesturing at a suspicious car that he had sworn had not been there a few seconds ago. Thicc hesitantly sat next to him, and the Litrax floored it as they drove slowly, then faster, until they were reaching speeds only capable of a blue hedgehog. Soon enough, they clipped. That was the only way he could describe it. The Litrax hit the brakes, the van stopping with a horrid screech. A seemingly African village laid in front of them, oblivious to their arrival. They were too focused on something else. A helicopter with the one and only Milfred Meanswell and two of his bodyguards. They seemed to be dropping packages with parachutes onto the village.

"You see." The Litrax spoke. "Mayor Meanswell is not who people believe he is. He is a corrupt man, his deeds unmatched by any other. I'm sure you won't believe me, so just watch for yourself."

Thicc Buttowski grunted in agreement. If he had somehow clipped halfway across the world with this flaming mammal spirit creature thing then he probably had something valid to say.

The items descending in the parachutes were pure white boxes with brand new copies of Beats by Dr. Dre inside. The villagers cheered, each one putting a pair of headphones on. Next to him, the Litrax fiddled with a radio until suddenly he found the right wavelength. They were on to Mr. Meanswell's radio station, which was most likely going to be using Bluetooth compatibility to send music. The music that came out was, at the very least, quite peculiar. Rather than a song representative of either culture present, a young girl seemed to be singing a cheerful tune. It was in a foreign language, however, and Thicc Buttowski could not discern what the song was saying.

"It's a rustic chant used by the Ethiopians thousands of years ago." The Litrax explained with a sullen look. "The contents seem… arbitrary. It's such a deceptively innocent song, about baking cakes and making sure to follow instructions. What these villagers don't realize is that this song has power. Dangerous power. Let's just say that, if applied correctly, it could cripple entire nations. Like the United States of America, for example."

Thicc was dumbfounded. In a life believing that nothing existed outside of those walls, he had rapidly been pulled into a crisis that he had no prior knowledge of. "Could you please elaborate?" Thicc Buttowski requested.

The Litrax nodded slowly. "The song… it messes with the listener's neurons. It jumbles their memories. It can do terrible, terrible things. Just… look for yourself." The Litrax gestured to the village, its inhabitants now writhing on the ground as if in extreme pain. They wore expressions of pure panic. Then, as the song ended, their bodies went stiff, faces still and emotionless.

"Stand." An authoritative voice rang out. Within a fraction of a second, all of the villagers were standing in a military-like stance, perfectly straight, not even a twitch in their movements. It was disgustingly amazing.

"Follow." The voice rang out again, the voice of Milfred Meanswell. It was so different than the kind and benevolent voice he gave on the television. This one was cold, unfaltering, and blunt. All of the villagers left their houses, filing into the large helicopter the government provided.

"It seems this test has gone quite well." The president said with a sadistic laugh, the helicopters rising up and flying away, leaving the town just as barren as the land outside of Thicc Buttowski's hometown Chicago.

"I… I believe you…" Thicc Buttowski told the Litrax with a tone of worry in his voice. He then continued speaking. "So… do you expect us to go in and assassinate him?"

"If that is necessary." The Litrax explained. "But not now. You don't even know your entire potential. Allow you to take you to the stereotypical countryside in rural Japan to begin your training montage."

Thicc Buttowski nodded. "I'm ready."

After they used the van to clip halfway across the world again, they screeched to another stop in a beautiful valley with blossoming cherry trees, the warm spring sun upon them. It was so beautiful, much more interesting than the dreary landscape of Illinois. If Thicc wasn't unraveled in a plot to save his country, he gladly would have stayed there forever.

"Let's get going. If you wish to truly find yourself, you must complete these three tests. First, you must climb to the top of the mountain and pick me a flower covered in a thin veil of mountain dew. The most foggy area of the mountain is the top, so your best luck is to explore up there."

Thicc nodded before treading away. He climbed up the mountain, scaling the rough rocks until he found the flower he needed and climbed back, all abbreviated to save time for the epic fight scenes at the end of the story.

"Excellent job." The Litrax nodded, proud of the boy. "The next test is more difficult. It is but a riddle." The Litrax cleared his throat before beginning to speak.

"An animal with a pure heart in a world long ago. Upon reaching out to aid us, we betrayed him. Who is he?"

"Harambe." Thicc Buttowski blurted out. He hadn't even thought before the word before it had been forced out of his mouth. He didn't know who this 'Harambe' was, but he must have been important in a more bright time than his.

"Incredible." The Litrax commented. "I didn't know you were aware of such a creature."

"I'm… not…" Thicc Buttowski admitted. "It just came to mind. And I guess I just trusted my instincts."

"Regardless of the circumstances, you have reached the final test. There is a tunnel going through the mountain. One that will pry at your deepest desires and try to tempt you. At the end you will truly find yourself. I shall see you then." And with a sudden flash of light, the Litrax had disappeared, presumably at the end of the tunnel. With a sigh, Thicc Buttowski headed into the cave, the light slowly fading into darkness.

"Welcome, mortal." An ominous voice boomed. "Do you think you are worthy? It is my job to find out. I must test you with the Earth's greatest pleasures. Do you think you can resist?"

Thicc Buttowski shrugged. This whole situation was creeping him out.

A small torch was lit in a room, which Thicc travelled into. It was a room filled with caskets of wine and barrels of beer. "May I interest you in… Oh. You're underage. Next room." Thicc walked straight through the room, reaching the next. It was stacked from top to bottom with body pillows. "How about… Well, that's unfortunate. You probably haven't even hit puberty yet, haven't you? Looks like that won't do either." The voice, whose source was still unknown to Thicc, continued. Thicc Buttowski walked into the final room.

"How about this. To make up for my previous mistakes, I'll give you a… small loan of a million dollars. How does that sound? Your family must be poor, just think of what you could give them with this."

Unlike the other instances, this time the voice had a point. Thicc Buttowski's family was quite impoverished, and such a large sum of money could put them back on track. Thicc reached a shaking hand out for the money, which was just within in his grasp…

But he quickly yanked it back. His family was important, but the country was more so.

"No thank you, supernatural and awfully suspicious voice. I have a job to do, and it would be hindered if I accepted such an offer."

The voice gave a hearty laugh. "Well done." Suddenly, the rock slid open, leaving a waiting Litrax on the outside. As Thicc Buttowski exited, the Litrax quickly began to speak.

"Normally I would have time to teach you, however we don't have that right now. In an hour or so Milfred Meanswell is going to drop headphones to all the major cities. We need to infiltrate his underground bunker in Ukraine, where the core power source of his radio transmitter is. If we shatter that, then Milfred Meanswell will be unable to project out his chant and no one will be forced under his control."

Thicc Buttowski nodded slowly. The plan seemed sensible enough. Even then, he highly trusted the Litrax due to his guidance thus far, and the two shared a deep bond of respect throughout the few hours they had been acquainted for.

The two traveled in the sketchy van once again, appearing in a cold and tundra-like snowfield. A stone building was erected in the middle of it, with two men with assault rifles, fur coats, and ski masks. They would have to be eliminated if they were to make it inside the base.

"Focus, my child. Invision what you want done. The powers will defend you, provide you with a resolution."

Thicc Buttowski stood on top of the van, a sniper rifle materializing in his hands. He aimed carefully at the oblivious gunmen, pulling the trigger. But nothing came out.

"Follow your instincts, Thicc Buttowski. They will lead you to your destiny."

Thicc Buttowski took a deep breath, exhaling as he jumped off the van, twisting in a 360 and firing two shots without the sight as he landed softly on the ground with a well-executed roll. The two guards each had a hole in their temple, simultaneously crumpling onto the steps.

"Someone else is here. Not inside the bunker, but outside. We have to get inside quick." The Litrax commanded, the two getting inside of the structure. It was 20 degrees warmer and had a long staircase descending straight down. Milfred Meanswell might be a mentally insane sociopath but he at least had workers' rights in place with a heating system.

As soon as the two opened the first door, they were met with a medium-sized room and a circle of soldiers with guns pointed at the two.

"Hands up! Drop your weapons!" The captain commanded with a stern voice, and Thicc Buttowski reluctantly dropped his rifle onto the ground and held both hands up. The captain approached the two. "I don't know what you two are doing, or even what this one is," the captain gestured to the Litrax before continuing. "But this place is strictly off-limits. This area has secrets you cannot live to tell."

Thicc Buttowski mumbled a few incoherent words quietly.

"What was that, child? I was gonna give you a quick and painful death, but I'll gladly torture you first if you complain."

"I said… Ocean man, take me by the hand."

Suddenly, a huge tidal wave materialized out of nowhere and trampled the soldiers. A bow dropped into Thicc Buttowski's hands from midair. He drew back and tried to shoot.

"Do I have to say the words?" Thicc questioned with a hint of annoyance.

"Yes, you do. Every single part."

Thicc Buttowski gave a long sigh. "Ryuu-ga, Wa-ga-te-ki-wo, Ku-ra-u!"

As the arrow tapped down, two green dragons of pure energy spiraled straight ahead, vanquishing the poor soldiers, including the captain. Thicc Buttowski felt a tinge of remorse; the poor captain was just doing his job. Unfortunately, war was no time for guilt. They had to press on.

They then entered a narrow hallway, following the dull halls that winded left and right throughout the structure. Eventually, Thicc Buttowski felt a warm hand in front of him. He looked up to see the Litrax gazing ahead at what seemed to be nothing.

"I sense energy. Lasers." The Litrax explained. "Got a way through?"

"I can find one." Thicc Buttowski stated. "Let me just swooce right in."

Then Thicc's thick body moved gracefully through the field of invisible lasers, almost like a puppet being manipulated via strings. Soon enough, he stopped at the other end of the hall. The Litrax, meanwhile, could just phase through.

"He is close." The Litrax told Thicc Buttowski. As they opened the door, they were met with a bubbling tube in the center of a pillar that hovered over what seemed to be an endless pit, a circular platform in the center under it. Four bridges around the room attached each quarter of the space, sloping up slightly.

"Should we sneak around it?" Thicc Buttowski asked his mentor.

"Of course not. In action stories, you never run away from the fight. Fleeing is not an option." The Litrax replied.

"Will do." Thicc then walked up near the tube of blue fluid, some sort of figure contained inside. He took one hesitant step forward and was surprised to find his gaze matched an inhuman one. Before he could evaluate the situation the glass shattered, the figure inside breaking free of his metaphorical shackles.

"Robo Morgan Freeman: booting up. 0%. 20%. 40%. 60%. 80%. 100%. Installing windows 10… Installation complete. Now restarting."

After a brief pause, he continued.

"Execute command: execute. Surrender now or prepare to fight."

The creature known as Robo Morgan Freeman raised an arm, a beam of red light being projected from it. With the skills of a professional parkourist, he gracefully back flipped over it. With supersonic speed he dashed forward, ramming into the robot. His efforts were reversed as his shoulder painfully hit metal, making Thicc Buttowski wince as he plummeted to the ground, giving a roll to stop his momentum. He ran in a circle around the robot, trying to look for any weaknesses, dodging the sporadic rocket shot at him from the flying figure in the center. The child silently cursed as a projectile nearly missed him.

If Thicc Buttowski were to win, he needed to go on the offensive. "Song name?!" He yelled out, a sandstorm brewing inside the chamber. He flung his arm back, shouting, "I hope she brought lotsa spaghetti!" The robot was buffeted by the sandstorm as a plate of delectable noodles hit the robot straight in the face.

"Execute command: Disrespect." The robot then broke into a mid-air dance, wiping the Italian entree off his brow to display that he was completely untouched. "I am immune to your memes. It has been 20 minutes. Surrender at once."

"No, you." Thicc Buttowski retorted.

Robo-Morgan Freeman gave an obviously sarcastic chuckle. "Time to end this. DR OCTAGONAPUS BLAAAAHHH" Robo Morgan freeman yelled, a beam of focused light blue energy being projected at Thicc Buttowski. He extended both arms to the right, burying his head in the crook of his left elbow to assume a defensive position. He prepared to take the blow, but it never came.

"I will build a wall!" A voice boomed. Thicc Buttowski turned his head to see the Litrax doubled in size with supernaturally muscular arms and wavy blonde hair, a big concrete wall developed in front of them.

"Go, Thicc! I'll take him on!" The Litrax exclaimed. "Energy shatteru!" The beam was dispelled with a burst of light, leaving him with a stunned look. Thicc got on the back of a llama and the two trotted through the door while the beast was distracted. Inside was a triangular room thrice the size, a pupil-shaped hole in the ground in the exact center covered by a sheet of glass.

"What? How did you make it here?" The cold voice boomed. Mildred Meanswell, in the flesh, was present with a horde of short yellow humanoids in blue overalls.

"Well, regardless of the circumstances, you must be destroyed. Minions, at-"

Mr. Meanswell was interrupted by an explosion behind Thicc, a thin and lanky figure jumping through the hole. With a lengthy finger pointed at Milfred, he spoke.

"Are you a real villain?"

"Excuse me?" Milfred said with a hint of confusion.

"Have you ever caught a good guy, like a superhero?"

"No…?"

"Have you ever tried a disguise?"

"I've never really felt the necessity to-"

"Alright!" The unknown figure cut him off. "I can see that I'll have to teach you how to be villains!"

As the figure leaped at Mayor Meanswell, everything clicked in Thicc Buttowski's head. This was Robbie Rotten, the losing presidential candidate. The figure who had been outside when they entered the bunker. And he was out for blood. Robbie Rotten threw a haymaker punch at Mr. Meanswell, which he skillfully blocked. While their faces were inches apart, Robbie Rotten put his mouth next to the president's neck.

"Now, listen closely…"

As Milfred Meanswell tried to swing, Robbie disappeared for a brief second before reappearing in ten forms in a circle around the corrupted head of the United States. "Here's a little lesson in trickery, this is going down in history!"

Mayor Meanswell, with a terrified look on his face, scrambled back and tried to run back to his Minions.

"If you want to be the villain number one, you gotta catch a 'superhero' on the run!"

The ten Robbie Rottens collapsed on Meanswell, the real one knocking him onto the ground.

"Just move quick, and sneak around, be careful not to make a sound!"

This time, though, Robbie did not act further, instead pinning the president down. Suddenly, Thicc Buttowski realized that the so-called villain was actually referencing him. The child stepped carefully, reaching the glass. With a practiced fist, he torqued his body and smashed it.

"Shhh! Don't touch that!"

The minions all stared at him, and then started a rampage at the child. Without thinking, he dove into the hole. As he started to fall, he heard faintly, "We are number one…"

Thicc flailed wildly, eventually recomposing himself. He arranged himself into a star to lower his falling velocity. He gazed at the energy down below. He was saving the world, but now he needed to save himself.

Thicc had lived a good life, and eventually his memories brought him to bring up a proverb he had heard. He started talking out to himself, "Somebody once told me…" While he intended to say something heartfelt, his powers manipulated the simple words. "...the world is gonna roll me." His voice finished, and at this point he gave a long sigh. "Trust your instincts…" The Litrax had told him. Sure enough, a faint outline of what looked like an ogre appeared to be descending with him. He continued. "I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed…" The next outline was that of a bald man with a very entrepreneur-like look. "She was lookin' kind of dumb with a finger and a thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead." A gorilla shot down by his own protectors. A father's attempt at humor manipulated by a social justice warrior. "And the years start comin' and they don't stop comin'..." A famous musician known for the keys of success and his Snapchat account. A troglodytic version of a cartoon sponge. "Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin'" An African American storm trooper who betrayed his old evil cause. A rebellious shark at a major football event. "Didn't make sense to to live for fun…" a depressed frog. A frog on a unicycle. "Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb." A man back at it again with white vans. An infamous WWE wrestler with a flashy intro. "So much to do, so much to see…" A Lamborghini. A sidekick to a famous plumber with a threatening look in a racing game. "So what's wrong with taking the backstreet…" A shiba inu characterized by broken English. A Japanese man in a pink bodysuit famous on YouTube. "You never know if you don't go…" A puppet of a frog drinking a cup of Lipton tea. A young Russian songwriter famous for his tune about a relevant mobile game. "You never shine if you don't glow." A pop tart cat. Rick Astley. Troll face. Caramelldansen. Gangnam Style. Smosh. Pewdiepie. The whip. The fragments of all these memes, past and present, came to his aid. As he plummeted to the radio station's power core, Thicc Buttowski started glowing with a luminescent white light. His whole being rumbled as it descended into that pure energy, a rapid explosion worthy of melting steel beams occurring spontaneously. Thicc Buttowski lost consciousness.

When he woke, he was on a hospital bed back in Chicago. His parents stood in front of him, with Brad in the back continuing to flip bottles. An elderly man with glasses was there as well, and he started to speak.

"Well done, child. Regardless of the odds, you singlehandedly saved the nation. I, Bernie Sanders, president of the United States of America commend you."

"Well I didn't do it alone. Many people helped me along the way with my journey. I can't take all the credit." Thicc replied, his thoughts wandering to the Litrax and Robbie Rotten.

"They are safe, Thicc. I can assure you that much." The man said with a smile. "Now, I think there's a nation who would like to meet their savior. Follow me."


End file.
